If a tree falls in your backyard and you’re not outside to hear, it still makes a pretty loud sound inside your house. Maybe that’s not the answer to the age-old question, but it scared the crap out of me last weekend.

The Seattle Seahawks were crushed by a tree during Super Bowl XL, although this one had zebra stripes and a whistle.

I’m not completely blaming the officiating in the game for Seattle losing, but the NFL has to do something about the poor calls we saw throughout the playoffs. Most officiating crews work about nine weeks of the season and being an NFL official is a part-time job for them. The only fix is to make these zebras full-time employees and pay them good money. I’m tired of lawyers and accountants calling 15-yard penalties on quarterbacks for making a tackle. 

But Super Bowl Xtra Large must not have been as bad as I thought. It was the second highest rated television event in history. See, this was my view on the game. Picture this; you’re on a date with a woman (this is for the guys) and she’s even paying for dinner. She’s beautiful and somehow you ended up with her. Things are going perfectly and you start to make your move. “How’s your meal?” the waiter asks.

At that point, all the momentum is gone. Another 15 minutes goes by and you’re going in for the kill yet again. You lean in and, “Any dessert for you folks tonight?” asks the waiter, slowly sticking the knife through your heart. Again, momentum halted. That’s what the Super Bowl was this year. Anytime a solid drive would get rolling, the waiter (meaning the refs) would call a penalty on something that never happened.

I don’t like feeling cheated. From the get go of this game, I felt cheated by the pregame performances and even the Na-tional An-them. Aaron Neville just stopped singing. Come on Aaron, Aretha’s not that loud is she? And did we really need Tom Brady to do the coin toss? Actually, I felt most cheated though by Joe Montana and Terry Bradshaw. Prior to kickoff, the NFL introduced the MVP’s of the all the Super Bowl’s gone by. Yet two names synonymous with “Super Bowl MVP” were not in attendance. I don’t think we’ll ever know this for sure, but if Joe Montana did ask the NFL for $100,000 for an appearance fee, I have just lost all respect for Joe. 

I hope he’s not hard pressed for money. He has been in a few commercials as of late which makes me wonder about his financial status. Then I wonder why I’m concerned about a pro football legend’s financial status. I think I may have issues.

I would like to say that I am happy for Jerome Bettis and Bill Cowher. The Bus didn’t hesitate in calling it a career after the game and he’ll get an analyst job somewhere, probably the NFL Network, and he’ll be great at it. Cowher, on the other hand, attended his daughter’s high school basketball game Monday night. How cool is that?

He didn’t just sit back and soak in the moment of winning a Super Bowl; instead he was just a spectator at a high school basketball game. Cowher is a classy guy and although I’m not a fan of Pittsburgh in any way, shape or form, they have a classy organization.

Even the hype for the game was a let down. Much like the hands of Jerramy Stevens, it was all non-existent. For the week leading up to the game, we heard more about Terrell Owens and Donovan McNabb (again) than we did about the teams and players participating in the game. Hopefully this soap opera will end soon, like when T.O. signs with Denver in a few weeks.

I’m all over the board on the Fab Five this week. Hey, maybe I’ll even tell you some things you didn’t know.

5) Michaela Hutchison. She was the first girl in the country to win a state high school wrestling title against boys. Don’t take anything away from her because she wrestles in Alaska.

4) Epiphanny Prince. She broke the national prep record by scoring 113 points in a high school basketball game last week. Kobe who?

3) Willie Parker. The longest run in Super Bowl history (75-yard touchdown scamper) gets him on the list. 

2) Fake-39 Toss X-Reverse Pass. Super Bowl XL needed a play like this.  It always helps when you’ve got former quarterbacks playing wide receiver.

1) Spring Training. Pitchers and catchers report next week. 

As we cap off another NFL season, what have we learned? Well, the Super Bowl taught us that the game should only be played in Miami, Phoenix and Pasadena. Seattle will never host a Super Bowl because of the weather, but Paul Allen could always get Bill Gates to buy the sun and make for a nice day. Respect!