It’s time to expose that green elephant in the room that is MySpace. Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about. You’re not too cool to admit you’ve got an account or even snooped around there a bit. I’m basically hooked on the thing, but when people start threatening their friends by saying they’re going to remove them from their “Top 8,” that’s when you realize that life is simply ridiculous.

How about a little ridiculousness in the NCAA Tournament last weekend? Come on, George Mason? Not only did I not have them on my “Top 8,” but if I didn’t hail from Virginia, I’d have no clue where they came from. Moving along, did you notice what the screen said when Bradley took on Pittsburgh last Sunday? It read “Brad Pitt.” I found it humorous, but I’m a loser and that’s okay.

I’m announcing right now that I will never pick Kansas for anything ever again. Why Dorothy and her little dog too wanted to get back there so bad is beyond me. A first round bounce last year when I picked them to win it all and another first round exit this season when I picked them as a Final Four team! If I never visit Overland Park or Lawrence or wherever the stupid Jayhawks play, I’ll die a happy man. As far as I’m concerned, since I’ve never been there, Kansas doesn’t exist. 

When I get home every night, I check my “friend request” box hoping to find some “cool new people,” but I’m finding that I’m not as popular as you may think. In a related story, Terrell Owens signed a three-year deal with the Dallas Cowboys last weekend for the opportunity to ruin their season. Way to go Jerry Jones. You fire Tom Landry, you win three Super Bowls, you hire a fat fish with a heart ailment as your head coach and sign a guy who could give you an aneurysm. I’m sure if anyone can tame T.O., it’ll be Jones or Bill Parcells. Somehow, I’m reminded of Randy Moss’ agent who was caught selling crack.

NFL Commissioner Paul Tagliabue announced Monday that he will resign in July. I don’t care.

Probably the most disgusting story I read in the last week or so was that Rusty Yates, ex-husband of Andrea Yates who drowned her five kids in bathtub a few years back, got remarried. That’s not so bad I suppose, but he married his new bride in the same church the funeral for his five kids was held in. Does anybody else find that a tad bit morbid?

I’ve talked about stuff like this before when Danica Patrick nearly won the Indianapolis 500 last year, but Monday, Bill Lester became the first black driver to compete in NASCAR’s top series since 1986. Surely this could be made into a big deal, but I’ve always felt that if we put people like Patrick and Lester on the same footing as everyone else, stories like this will become common place and we won’t look at it as “a woman won this” or “a black guy won this.” Danica Patrick didn’t win and neither did Bill Lester. In my book, both of them are just drivers seeking a victory.

Back to football for a moment if I may: I guess in the world of MySpace, this would be considered a “bulletin,” but the Jacksonville Jaguars signed tackle Tony Boselli to a one-day contract during the week so he could retire as a Jag. I’ve always thought the one-day contract thing was unnecessary because it’s a matter of public opinion as to what you’ll be remembered as. Were we really going to think of Emmitt Smith as an Arizona Cardinal? But, as I pull the ultimate homer move, I think it’s great that the franchise’s first ever draft pick retires where he belongs and will be the first inductee into Jacksonville’s Ring of Honor.

I’m reaching for Fab Fivers this week, but I think I’ve come up with some well-deserved candidates. 

5) Candace Parker. The Tennessee star became the first woman to dunk in a women’s NCAA Tournament game. The best part is, she did it twice.

4) George Mason Colonials. This group of kids that most people had never heard of beat Michigan State and North Carolina to reach the Sweet 16. They are wearing the glass slipper.

3) Ron Artest. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, Artest is the best all-around player in the NBA. He’ll get the Kings into the playoffs and prove me right.

2) Cuban baseball team. These guys weren’t even going to play in the World Baseball Classic and look what they accomplished. Not too shabby, eh Fidel?

1) Tom from MySpace. I’ve never met him, but he’s my friend.

Look, not only has MySpace given 13-year-old girls a new line of insults, but it also gives me an inside look at many pro and college athletes. Did you know there are 33 J.J. Redick’s out there? Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to manage my blog. Respect!