As we wait for more adv ertisers to realize the rich, creamy goodness that is The Northwest Navigator, we find ourselves in the uncomfortable position of filling space.

So in keeping with my simple philosophy that you can’t spell “Microsoft Word” without “word(s),” here comes quite a few.

Let’s begin with some bad news. 

Starting Oct. 1, all patrons of the All American restaurant will now have to bus their own trays following breakfast and lunch.

The good ‘ol days of watching a 95-pound galley attendant struggle with your pudding-addled lunch tray are over. 

The region has spoken, and to paraphrase, it said, “Hey, you ate it, now you clear it.  You’re such a disappointment.  You’re sister got accepted to Colgate, what’s the matter with you?  You’re the reason daddy doesn’t live here anymore.”

Either I have unresolved issues or the region hired my mother. 

On the upside, I was in SAFECO Field last Friday when the Seattle Mariner’s Ichiro Suzuki tied, broke, and then shattered the Major League Baseball record for hits in a single season.

Actually I was purchasing scalped tickets from a lovely young man in a trench coat when he tied the record, and I was in the line to get a hot dog when he broke it. 

Fortunately, with all the hullabaloo, I was able to make my way to the condiment table unfettered. Thanks Ichiro, very clutch.

And while it was great being in the stadium on such a historic day, my decision to lowball the scalper ended up getting us seated somewhere in the lower mesosphere. 

While I’m pretty sure it was a baseball game we were watching from high above, I can’t be certain because our view was partially obstructed by Jupiter.

Now, if you’ve been watching the news lately, you no doubt have heard about the eruption that took place last week.

Yes, that’s right, Elton John went off again on another tirade. But this time it’s not the Taiwanese press.

John slagged poor, defense-

less Madonna at a recent award show where she was nominated for best live performance. 

The flamboyant singer behind such hits as “Candle in the Wind” and … uh …that other Princess Diana Candle in the Wind song, says Madonna lip-synched through her latest tour and found it preposterous that she be nominated.

Frankly, I’m tired of all this foreplay. When will these two realize what the rest of us have known all along?  These kids are crazy about each other.  I just wish they’d kiss and get it over with.

In breaking news: the Personal Property Office has moved from the Navy Support Complex at Smokey Point to the Fleet and Industrial Supply Center (FISC) building here on base last December.

Indeed the age-old question, “if a major station service moves 20 miles south, will anyone notice?” has finally been answered with a resounding “ehhh.”

For almost a year, the Housing Office has been inundated with walk-ins and phone calls from people looking for the Personal Property Office.  A recent Gallup Poll says that a resounding 96.6 percent of these people went “totally bananas” when they found out the office is currently located only four minutes away from where they work. 

Regardless, pass the word, and pass it loud. The Personal Property Office is located in Bldg. 2200. 

And finally, for better or worse, Dodgeball is coming to NAVSTA Everett. No, seriously. The sport you haven’t played since you were in fourth grade is experiencing a renaissance throughout the nation.

It’s been a few decades since I last chucked a large rubber ball at someone’s head and I for one say I’m long overdue. 

However, since those days, I’ve grown several feet, gained about 150 pounds, and, unfortunately, am now more susceptible to wedgies and wet willies than I ever was in fourth grade.  Alas, if I were a betting man, my guess is I’ll be taking a rubber ball to the groin within thirty seconds of each game. 

And now that I have appealed to the lowest common denominator, I think it’s time to call it a day.