Household update in 3…2…1… So it turns out that all that talk of bunk beds and the wife trapping me into having baby number two worked out. Valentine’s Day worked out well for us as we found out that we will be expecting a new addition to the family in about nine months or so. If all goes well, I should survive the next few months, seeing as how a two-year-old son and a pregnant wife is enough to kill a man. Perhaps folding laundry will get my mind off of this for a while.

Oddly enough, I actually did fold laundry this weekend, which should lead you to believe one of three things. A) My wife has me wrapped around her finger. B) I was financially strapped from doing anything fun since the wife spent $150 on her hair. C) There was just nothing worth watching in the sports world. If you chose all three, you would be correct, but there were a few things I noticed while perusing through the channels.

Did you know the Winter Olympics had started? I found it strange that people were traveling at the speed of sound down what appeared to be a frozen water slide. Then I heard the always-identifiable music of the Olympiad. That music always gets me a little psyched up. But the terrible thing about the Winter Olympics is that this country really doesn’t care. Want proof? A recent poll on ESPN.com asked, “How much Olympics coverage did you watch over the weekend?” A resounding “None” was the answer with only Utah and Vermont residents actually caring. You see, most Americans can’t relate to the Winter Olympics.

Have you ever tried the luge? How about bobsled or skeleton?  What the heck is skeleton anyway? That’s my point. We just can’t relate because the majority of people in this country have never tried any of these events or simply don’t have the means to do so. 

All we’re really watching is tape-delayed events at it’s finest. I woke up Sunday morning and found out that Olympic “bad boy” Bode Miller got fifth place in whatever silly event he was in. Why in the world should I let the drama unfold later that night before I go to bed when I know the final result already? Sleep is important here folks. Don’t let the Winter Olympics keep you from that.

Furthermore, these are all just events, not sports. This opens up an entirely new argument, but a sport is something you are not judged on. Take boxing for example. If you knock the guy out, it’s a sport. If a judge’s scorecard tells us the winner, it then becomes an event.  If you’re watching speed skating or hockey, sure, those are sports, but with the Olympics you’re mostly just watching people trying to impress other people they’ve never met into thinking they are just super. Give me a break.

I know what you’re thinking, I’m just missing football too much.  I’ll be playing the role of the nail and let you be the hammer. Of course I miss football. The Pro Bowl was terrible, as it usually is, because the guys in the game don’t care that much anyway. Baseball and basketball do it right, except for the voting process, because it’s a way to showcase the individual skills that you wouldn’t see in a regular season game. The NFL tries really hard to get the fans involved by allowing them to call a play, but let’s be real here, the last thing Matt Hasselbeck or any of the Seahawks wanted to do was play in the Pro Bowl a week after losing the biggest game of their lives. If they got rid of the Pro Bowl altogether I would not mind at all. 

And what kind of a writer would I be without mentioning the alleged illegal gambling ring hosted by Phoenix Coyotes assistant coach Rick Tocchet. Truth be told, this story just doesn’t interest me. Everyone and their mother is trying to find a way to throw Wayne Gretzky through the wood chipper and tarnish the image of one of the few icon’s the sports world still has. Did he know about it? Sure he did, but he’s not going to be the one to rat out his best friend and wife. Ask yourself honestly, would you?

The Fab Five this time around is all about people who have had a decent week, including some Olympians. 

5) Emily Hughes. The replacement to Michelle Kwan should’ve been in Italy in the first place.

4) Dwyane Wade. He scored 17 straight points in the fourth quarter to give Miami a win over Detroit.

3) Derrick Brooks. Pro Bowl MVP. “Who’s your favorite player?  Mr. Derrick Brooks.” Whatcha know about that?

2) Vice President Dick Cheney. Nice shootin’ Tex!

1) Michael Jordan. Today is his birthday. Happy Birthday to the greatest athlete ever.

You can probably tell that we’ve hit a lull in the sports world. In the coming weeks I’ll be focusing on one topic each week. It may be the biggest story in the sports world, or the smallest little thing that catches my eye. The fun starts now. Respect!