I’m not aware of too many things, I know what I know if you know what I mean.” Remember that song? It had a certain, uh, I don’t know what, but it goes along with what I’m talking about here. So as we prepare to jump our clocks ahead and lose an hour of precious (oh so precious) sleep, here are a few things I know I know.

I know that anyone who put George Mason in their Final Four is a freak. These are the types of people who will do anything for a laugh and when they try to show people their brackets now, people laugh at them. Look, I love a Cinderella story and I was pulling for Mason as much as anyone when they took on UConn, but I would never in a million years put an 11 seed in the Final Four, much less an 11 seed like George Mason.

I know that Barry Bonds is screwed. Nothing he can say will make anyone believe him at this point, and when his lawyer decided not to pursue libel charges against the authors of “Game of Shadows,” that was an admission of guilt. In a way though, I feel for the guy because all he…wait a tick, I don’t feel for that cat. Sadly, I still think he’ll pass Hank Aaron’s record in September. Recently, Bonds said, “I’m just trying to stay sane.” Go crazy Barry, go crazy.

I know the Indy Racing League needs to forget about their stupid traditions and stop practicing three hours before the freaking race. How ridiculous can one organization be? Without that “traditional” practice session, Paul Dana might still be alive. But of course, they still went on with the Toyota Indy 300 because people said, “That’s what Paul would’ve wanted.” I have some choice words for those people, but legally I can’t print them. Honestly, is there some piece of paper that Dana signed that read, “If I die, race anyway.”? 

I know the Chicago Cubs will not win the World Series this year. I went out on a limb last year by picking the White Sox and many of you thought I was absolutely insane (go crazy Barry). You can’t have the Red Sox, White Sox and Cubs winning the whole thing in consecutive years. One is an accident, two is a trend, three is evidence; evidence that the sports gods have a wicked sense of humor. Actually, I’ve got a strange, tingly feeling inside that tells me the New York Yankees will win their first World Series crown since 2000. Maybe it’s the Johnny Damon thing, or maybe it’s the fact that I’ve been watching too many “Seinfeld” re-runs.

I know that Chicago Bears quarterback Rex Grossman is a dead ringer for Bob’s Big Boy.

I know that Tim McKenna is sitting somewhere laughing his tail off right now. Never heard of Tim McKenna? He’s the only person on Yahoo sports to correctly predict the Final Four and the message boards have blown him up, yet he has yet to respond. Nothing but love for you Timmy, nothing but love.

I know that Paris Hilton is extremely hot, no matter what the jealous girls say.

I know that LSU has given the folks in Louisiana something to be happy about. I was never one to feel extremely sorry for the people along the Gulf Coast and I never found an excuse to squeeze them into every conversation, but with both the men’s and women’s basketball teams playing in their respective Final Four’s, it is now a truly joyous time in Baton Rouge.

I know that the NFL owners are meeting this week and one of items on the docket is the possibility of expanding the playoffs. I may boycott the NFL if they actually agree to add one more team. Well, I’ll at least boycott the Pro Bowl.

With the start of the 2006 MLB season on its way, the Fab Five looks at the old players in new places that will make a difference this season.

5) Coco Crisp, CF, Boston. Besides having one of the best names in baseball, he’ll have his opportunity to show his fielding prowess in the wild dimensions of Fenway Park.

4) Nomar Garciaparra, 1B, L.A. Dodgers. Do I think he’ll be a gold glove first baseman? No, but if his stick is anywhere close to where it used to be, he may just be the guy to get Dodger blue back into the playoffs.

3) Kenny Rogers, SP, Detroit. Lucky for Motor City cameramen, the Tigers don’t get much love. Rogers was an all-star last year and he assures Detroit at least three more wins. That counts for something, right?

2) Frank Thomas, DH, Oakland. If, and that’s a big if, he stays healthy, an extra 40 homeruns can’t hurt the A’s. When I talk to Frank next week when Oakland visits Seattle, I’ll give you his take.

1) Johnny Damon, CF, N.Y. Yankees. Honestly, anyone would be better than the 78-year-old Bernie Williams.

So that’s what I know folks. I also know that selling a car is expensive and a pain in the rear. That’s the boat I’m in right now, and my paddles are getting shorter everyday. Respect!