On May 3, 2003, doctors disconnected the machines that were keeping 35-year-old Crystal Judson alive. A week before, she had been shot by her estranged husband, Tacoma Police Chief David Brame, in a Rite-Aid parking lot. Brame then shot himself.

Their two children, Haley, 8 and David Jr., 5, witnessed the murder-suicide. Lane and Patty Judson couldn’t save their daughter; she had no brain activity and no chance for survival. They didn’t say goodbye, instead, they promised Crystal they would see her down the road.

Knowing the end result of Brame’s years of abuse, what could Lane and Patty have done differently? Lane Judson spoke at the Skywarrior Theater on July 20 to talk about the signs that, in hindsight, forecasted a brutal end to the marriage. 

A large part of the problem is that Lane and Patty, and no one else in Crystal’s life, for that matter, knew the extent of Crystal’s suffering and the fate for which she was destined.

Family members and loved ones are not allowed in to the victim’s world. The abuser builds a wall of silence around them, strictly controlling who is let in, and in turn, what information about their relationship is let out.

“We should have been more aware of the warning signs—the controlling, verbal and mental abuse,” Judson answered when asked what he would have done differently.

David Brame’s abuse followed all of the classic signs of a controlling partner. He watched her every move; “He went so far as to sit on the edge of the family’s bathtub while Crystal used the rest room,” said Judson.

Brame kept Crystal on a strict schedule, marking the time it took for her to run routine errands and drive to and from work. He observed every mile on the odometer of the car and ensured that the amount of gasoline in the fuel tank was kept very low. If Crystal wanted to refuel the car, she didn’t have that option.

David kept her on a strict allowance, only providing her with a small amount of money each week, disproportionate to his ample income as the city’s top cop.

He decided on the names of both their children. “Crystal didn’t like the names that David chose for either of their children. When Crystal objected, he told her that he didn’t care what she named them; he would simply have the records changed to the names he preferred,” said Judson.

Brame kept Crystal’s outside friendships to a minimum. An outgoing, vivacious woman who illuminated a room, Crystal’s relationships were reduced to lunches with her sister and telephone calls with her parents. Brame limited his own relationships as well. “David compartmentalized every one of his friendships to those of his fellow police officers,” Judson explained. If no one saw into their relationship, Brame rationalized, no one would see it for what it really was.

His verbal abuse slowly whittled down her self-esteem. He observed her weight and called her fat; he told the chestnut-haired ballet dancer with a bright smile that “no other man would ever want her.” Brame discredited Crystal at every opportunity, calling her nothing but a housewife and reinforcing to the police force that she was crazy.

David’s position as Tacoma’s Chief of Police compounded the silence. Not only did he have complete control over his wife; he had control over all of the major political players in the city. He had programmed them to believe that Crystal was a mentally unstable instigator; authorities dismissed Brame’s marital malevolence as “a private matter.”

“That’s the problem with domestic violence,” said Dave Thomason, Naval Air Station Whidbey Island Family Advocacy Educator, at the conclusion of Judson’s presentation; “it’s been a private crime for too long.”

Judson continued, “Let me reassure you that domestic violence is not a private matter, and it is a most terrible crime that can and will lead to death if not acted upon quickly and with the right types of professional help. Domestic violence is a crime and needs to be reported if you see it or hear of it.”

According to Thomason, ending domestic violence is everyone’s job. It is an obligation reinforced by NASWI Instruction 1752.2, which states: “It is the responsibility of all personnel stationed at Naval Air Station Whidbey Island to immediately report all known or suspected cases of domestic violence.”

If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence contact the domestic violence unit at (360) 257-3000 or contact NASWI’s victim advocates at (360) 257-8894/8047.